Saturday, December 5, 2009

There's Been a Death In My House

There’s been a death in my house, or more accurately, from my house. My grandma just passed away at the age of 89, and 2 years of it were spent being oblivious of her surroundings, weather, and people.

The day that it happened came as a shock. I was going through my usual routine after lunch when came the phone call from my father saying my grandma has passed away and we’re supposed to go to the hospital right away. I became blur then, not knowing what to do except announcing to the family and after that, going to the hospital.


I won’t go into details here. I can only say that my father was the saddest of all, more to because he has taken care of my grandma for the last 20++ years while my uncles were at US building a life for themselves. I’ve heard people said that when a son/daughter has done his/her duty to the parents, he/she would not be troubled or sad considering he/she has taken care of the parents and there’s no more regrets. How wrong it seemed to me at that moment considering that our relationship with someone is the most important thing, and all anger, regrets or even revenge will be dissolved at that very moment when we realize that that person is no more with us.


Throughout the days before the burial, I was alright. I didn’t even feel sad. All the emotions came only on the morning of the burial, when we went to the morgue to prepare the coffin. My aunt burst out upon seeing my grandma’s body. Immediately, the relatives around her almost became red faced, each maintaining his/her composure. I felt a lump in my throat then, and I tried to walk out of the morgue in case I cry. I have thought myself to be a cold man, emotionless when dealing with deaths and losses. At that moment, the lump in my throat seemed uncontrollable.


After the prayer service, we departed for the cemetery. It was a beautiful morning. The mood was dull nevertheless, and the shadows of the crosses and tombs looming over the pathways leading to our destination. The whole process went smoothly, and our mourning insignia was taken down as a sign to stop mourning and to continue our normal life.

To me, it has been surreal, and it is surreal even now. Just the day before my grandma passed away, we had dinner with her. She even said ‘eat slowly’ to us before excusing herself to go into her room. Maybe that was why I almost cried when I know that I won’t see her again, a familiar figure in the house and most importantly, my grandma.

I guess, my consolation is that she accepted Christ long ago and she is now happier up there. I am glad that I was with her at the last moments of her life, and I am glad that I managed to say goodbye to her.

See you again, Grandma.