New sem starts. What do you feel bout it? It's boring, monotonous or another useless routine that you feel not needed in your life? For me perhaps, when beginning a new sem, either u anticipate it, get excited bout it and get prepared bout it; or, it suddenly hits u in the face that the inevitable has already come and gone are the leisure life that you've had for the last 2 months. Truth be told, I don't feel so prepared and I even resent the start of new sem. Got a few Qs:
1. Why can't UM put all the language skills together so that I don't have to study a course that has such an anti-climax name? E.g: Teaching reading skills. Teaching speaking skills. And yes I do attribute my 6 years course to that. Imagine if they compress everyting, and I'll have my paychecks 3 years earlier.
2. Why am I in the same group? Why?? Why can't we draw lots instead? I like to work with new ppl k! Like last sem, I was in the same group with Celui and Jajat for approaches and I enjoyed it a lot! I worked with Hazig and Mail to record songs till the wee hours of the morning, and I enjoyed it!! Let us meet new faces once in a while la wei. It gets worse when someone gets insecure(presumed) over his/her bf/gf for working together with someone else.
3. Mana saya punya kereta?? The three of us are the only ones left in the WHOLE cohort to hitch a cab to class everyday. Why can't I have a car like everyone else? Still, I have faith that in a few weeks time I have a car, no matter how dastardly it's condition is. I'm not going back for CNY so please let me have a car to go 'reckless driving' with Peter snapping away on his D60. That's what I heard bout KL. There will be no more ppl on the road on festivals, so empty in fact that u can 'drink and drive'(not recommended still. CCTV's still working and cops are on the road under directives of Khalid Abu Bakar-bakar sampai jadi abu)
Btw, No. 3 is just an unsatisfied desire that I feel good enough to whine about. No worry, for I have a Provider up above, and provide He will, though I don't know when. Of coz, adding to that is a decent DSLR, a few lenses and a flashgun to go with it. It feels far far away. Why can some ppl just buy sth without considering so much? Of coz that's why we have ppl saying, money is everything. I do agree to some point, especially to commoners like me. With money, all my financial worries will be gone, and I can buy everything I want. For rich ppl who're bored with this world perhaps, money is not in the consideration at all and perhaps, they'll get bored with the worldly things. No, not me. I need money.
I heard ppl saying that if God loves u so much, then why don't He gives u everything u ask him for, and let u be happy? I had my own answer for the question, which is, He loves u enough to know what u should have and what not. Then, read a book by Lee Strobel saying, God is a living entity, not a cash machine. He doesn't have to fulfill our every wishes and desires, but we should fulfill what He asks of us. Who are we to ask and force God to yield to our every whines? Then again, it holds true to 'seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all this will be added unto you'. If we really have such a deep relationship with Him, I doubt all these worldly thingy will be as essential to us anymore.
Sometimes, I feel that God is not even there. He's there, but He's not there. Get what I mean? When I say He's there, it is by deep faith that we say that. It is bcoz we know that He showed Himself to us before that we know He's faithful. When He's not there, it's bcoz we don't feel Him, and intellectually, we cannot perceive His existence as how we feel the existence of the person around us. He's there, He's not there. When such a situation arises, which existence would you choose? From my own exp, when I choose the faith path, it gives me hope, a sustenance for me to keep on goingeven when things don't go my way. If I choose the 'feeling' path, very quickly, I'll find myself drowning, constantly grumbling and eventually, lose myself amidst all the hopelessness and purposeless desires.
I wont say that I have immense faith considering how I doubt and question God in the past. I am still learning, and I am stumbling most of the way. Even the simplest desire becomes a test of faith for me. Like desiring for a DSLR. I have to fight my between believing in God to supply me what I want, and testing God to see if He's really that caring. And what do I think of this? That when I overcome, when my faith is proved longstanding, I will have a DSLR much better than what I aspired for.
Wrote so much today. Writing bout my belle u say? She's ok, and like me, unprepared for the new sem. But dear ar, you're not alone and my prayer for you goes to the Father.
For all readers, I said before that I prefer to put pics. But for now, let me edit them all first. And, I found 'Portrait Professional' software that transforms your face perfectly, making your face like 'no blemish on his body' as what the Landlady says. Let me show you next time, for I dont have any portrait pic of myself to be edited, and editing and showing u my belle's will perhaps incur her wrath on me. Hihihi...that's all.