There's Been a Death In My House

There’s been a death in my house, or more accurately, from my house. My grandma just passed away at the age of 89, and 2 years of it were spent being oblivious of her surroundings, weather, and people.

The day that it happened came as a shock. I was going through my usual routine after lunch when came the phone call from my father saying my grandma has passed away and we’re supposed to go to the hospital right away. I became blur then, not knowing what to do except announcing to the family and after that, going to the hospital.

 

I won’t go into details here. I can only say that my father was the saddest of all, more to because he has taken care of my grandma for the last 20++ years while my uncles were at US building a life for themselves. I’ve heard people said that when a son/daughter has done his/her duty to the parents, he/she would not be troubled or sad considering he/she has taken care of the parents and there’s no more regrets. How wrong it seemed to me at that moment considering that our relationship with someone is the most important thing, and all anger, regrets or even revenge will be dissolved at that very moment when we realize that that person is no more with us.

 

Throughout the days before the burial, I was alright. I didn’t even feel sad. All the emotions came only on the morning of the burial, when we went to the morgue to prepare the coffin. My aunt burst out upon seeing my grandma’s body. Immediately, the relatives around her almost became red faced, each maintaining his/her composure. I felt a lump in my throat then, and I tried to walk out of the morgue in case I cry. I have thought myself to be a cold man, emotionless when dealing with deaths and losses. At that moment, the lump in my throat seemed uncontrollable.

After the prayer service, we departed for the cemetery. It was a beautiful morning. The mood was dull nevertheless, and the shadows of the crosses and tombs looming over the pathways leading to our destination. The whole process went smoothly, and our mourning insignia was taken down as a sign to stop mourning and to continue our normal life.

To me, it has been surreal, and it is surreal even now. Just the day before my grandma passed away, we had dinner with her. She even said ‘eat slowly’ to us before excusing herself to go into her room. Maybe that was why I almost cried when I know that I won’t see her again, a familiar figure in the house and most importantly, my grandma.

I guess, my consolation is that she accepted Christ long ago and she is now happier up there. I am glad that I was with her at the last moments of her life, and I am glad that I managed to say goodbye to her.

See you again, Grandma.

Hols Angst

It seems that too many hols will make a person angsty, bored, cranky and hateful, particularly when that person has no money, no purpose, too much time on his hands and no games to play with. So, u can basically sum up that its me after all.  I just don’t know what to do already. Online? Done that. PC games? Played all. Call my belle? Called, and not a pleasant one coz I’m boring enough to her. What can I say to her when I’ve told her everything? It did not help especially when my jokes are dry and lame. Sigh….life without purpose is certainly a life not worth living..

Have the mood to write a poem now, words from the heart.

Listen..

Listen…

It’s hard for me you know..

I don’t want u to hate me…

I don’t want you feel angry…

I just don’t know how to say, the words in my heart..

I’m not wise in speaking…not clever in arguing…

I’m no good with humors and jokes, and certainly I’m bad at entertaining…

But..do you have to brush me off?

Sometimes…

I just need people to listen..to be by my side…

You don’t have to say anything..advice anything…

I know what to do, I know how..

But I need encouragement, understanding, and ears that listen..

So…

Listen, will you?

Adjust and Accept?

    It’s one phrase that I remember from Mr Sadass’ class. Adjust and accept. How to prevent conflicts? Understand, adjust and accept. Sounds easy? Kill me. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It tears your heart out. But when it comes to a boy-girl relationship, can patience and tolerance be stretched beyond the breaking point?

    It’s a bad idea that I’m someone who ppl perceive as not having any planning, doing things at the last minute and basically doesn’t care at all. I know it, and I’m trying hard to overcome it. There should be some changes that you can see in me right. Well, some ppl don’t. I’m unchangeable. I make ppl worry all the time. Am I?

    How far would u go with a person until u feel tat you’re really incompatible and it’s time to let go? How far would u go to accept him/her as who he/she is until u decide that he'/she is not the one for you? Or, would u hold on, finding ways to adjust and accept or even give chances for that person to change? Are you very easy to say, ‘time for me to be me and u to be you’?

    For me, a relationship should be for eternity. There’s one percent possibility that you can find someone that’s really compatible to you. For me, being together is to understand each other, accepting each other as who they are, and adjust to how they are. For me, being together is to hold on tight, no matter how bitter you feel, how frustrated you feel at the moment. I had my share of bitterness, disappointment, frustration. I held on. I failed you I know. Let me have another shot will ya?     

A very short moment of peace

     Yeah guys. Just a filler, to fill up the void in my blog. Felt quite free these few days, though in reality storms are coming. Friday I did nothing except for a short break-fast at Nazrin. Saturday all gone, to the not-so-prestigious DCIM at MidValley, then off to KLCC for the Earth Hour thingy. It was not crowded at all. Well, what’s there to see when all they did was just turning off the lights on KLCC? can see every night by 1am wad. Well, just being there for the sake of it. Alright. No purpose for this post. Wait till my life gets more interesting la. And for the pics of Cohort 4, go see at the Fb page. No point posting them up here. See ya guys around.

Optimism COME BACK!!

    Hullo everyone. Now is 8 in the morning and I’ll have class soon. So why am I writing this piece at such an unlikely hour? Well, I had some time thinking bout wad u guys write in your blogs, shout outs and statuses. Everyone has a few common words there: assignments, stress, emotion, God help me etc etc. So here, I wanna give some support, encouragement and exhortations to all of you. Still, there are a few steps that you can follow.

     1. Take a slow, deep breath

    This is very common I know, but it is easier said than done. You might think like ‘yea just take a deep breath and out it goes. No no no! Do it like you really mean it! Even now, just take a deep breath, then let it out in one go. A quick one at that. Of course your assignments will still be staring at you but now you have clearer thoughts. Does some good for the brain too. More oxygen=more blood pumping=more blood to the brain=fresher and uncluttered thoughts!!

     2. Smile. NO i mean…really smile!

    But how to smile with so many problems strangling you at the same time? Well, smile for something. You have survived so long and none of them killed you yet. You’re a survivor man! Be proud of yourself! None of this work is gonna kill you anytime soon! So, smileeeeee…. Hey I got one research done by some guys in white coats that by looking up for a few seconds will make you happier. Not sure bout that but worth a try though. Look up!

3. Count your blessings.

    Everyone is blessed in their own special way so the blessings might be similar, but will never be the same entirely. List them down, or at least think bout them. Mention your new car perhaps, or a good  quiz result, or assignments that you’ve tackled, or even when someone gives you a word of praise. They are valuable so don’t forget them. Everything special that has been done onto you is treasure, and they are just the antidote to skepticism and exhaustion.

  4. Then, thank God for them.

   Yes. Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan. But you should have Kesyukuran kepada Tuhan as well. You were created with a purpose. Everything around you has a purpose, be it problems or blessings. We know that God wants us to grow and the problems in our lives would let us persevere, like a refined gold. Be strong, take courage. Thank God for assignments, for you have assignments to do and not being purposeless or begging on the street. Thank God for tests, for you are one small step closer to getting a degree. Be thankful, for everything. Now, you might wanna take a little moment to say your prayers.

5. Find ways to deal with negativity.

    Some quiet people who always looks calm is not so inside. Vent up anger will one day explode and hurt themselves and also others. Find ways to deal with it! It’s either you punch the wall till you realize it hurts or just finding somebody who can empathize with you without judging. Do not keep it inside okay. Speaking of which, I wanna open a stress relief shop where for some money, I will give you some plates, cups or breakable things to throw at a wall. That should do you, and me especially some good. =)

 

    So guys, that are some ways to release some stress. Remind me too, to do things above. Today I might be okay, but I’m not sure bout tomorrow though. See ya..

Liveless and Dry

    Honestly, I don’t know what to write here. So, just close this tab if you feel that you’re wasting your time continuing.

    Alright. I personally feel that I have a lot of failures that should be reckoned with, and the weird thing is that all those disappointing stuff comes to me these past few weeks.

    First thing is, I almost destroyed someone’s wedding last week. Hahah..how did it happen? Well, I was tasked with recording the entire process of the groom going to the bride’s house till after the end of the matrimony process. So..get the hint now? All went well till the time when we reached the bride’s house. I kept recording, that’s what I thought. Everyone was playing games, joyfully and I was doing my job pressing the ‘Rec’ button. All went well. Or so I thought. The next day, after the conversion of the tape, I realized I didn’t record some part of the ‘game’ moment, of almost 20 mins wasted. Ouch………I felt so the guilty, and I feel it even now. I drummed up the courage and went to tell the groom who was obviously disappointed but still managed to tell me ‘It’s okay’. Thinking back to the whole process, I almost destroyed someone else’s reputation for recommending me to be the video man. Hmm…anyone still want me to record their wedding? That’s failure No. 1.

    Second thing. Again of the car episode. No I didn’t crashed someone else’s car. I’m talking bout myself buying a car. I know it’s hard without a car, and I’m not even talking bout others who would’ve sat in ‘my’ car. Sigh…till this day I’m still asking ppl if I can borrow their car. Malu la…everyone’s been supporting me, helping me to look out for cars, bringing me to car sales etc. Why is it so hard? Coz…I’m just picky? I don’t want that Proton Saga. I don’t want that Sunny. I just lost a Ford. Man…needless to say, that’s Failure No. 2.

    Third. Camera. How long has it been since I said I’m buying a camera? I can’t remember it myself. All I know is that it feels like a faraway dream, like something that you’ve been wishing for a long long time. Sigh…I just hate it.

    There’s others as well. Talking bout them makes me depressed. Encourage me if you will. Pray for me. Thank God I still have some optimism left.

'Reunion' Dinner at TGIF

    Hmm..What should I say. Today is the 5th day of Chinese New Year. Weirdly, I don't feel the atmosphere of CNY as much here. Even the few days before the CNY, it felt like nothing's going on. The only thing that could explain all that is because very few people is actually KL-ites. Ya know, where their hometown is actually in KL. So, when there are major festivals, everyone would be taking the bus home. Except me la. Except Peter la. All because of the RM1200 tickets. Well nvm. We had CNY Eve dinner at TGIF, and I actually felt grateful coz I tasted almost the best food over my whole 21 years of short life. 

                

As the pic suggests-Come for the food, stay for the fun. And we certainly did.

    The waitress was nice enough to greet us Gong Xi Fa Cai before giving us the menu, and I gave one mark for that. And we looked at the menu where the cheapest main dishes are more than RM25 and the cheapest desserts would be half that price. Okay. So I told Peter that it is CNY Eve and it would be our right to spend and indulge ourselves. There's Shiraz and Chardonnay, but as I was driving, so no no. And we ordered, and we waited.

              

The atmosphere was just so the nice, with the right songs playing all the time, plus the decorations on the wall. Behind me is the antique phone and God knows what else, all real ones.

 

             

And there's Peter, with the cool 'smile'. Honestly, Friday's is just like a big, cosy dining room that u often see in the movies and trust me, it feels just so.

    After 5 mins or so, our drinks came. And my dear, here's time to     go 'U-waaaaaa.

            

Mine's called ____ Slushee. It actually tastes like Slurpee, but I was not disappointed though. Quite a big glass, enough to last me more than 2 hours without the ice melting until it's tasteless.       RM9++

And here's Peter's.

            

Pineapple Sunshine. Sunshine should be the slice of pineapple with the cherry on top. RM8++

Again we waited, for 15 mins or so. And what came next..........

            

Peter's- New York Strip. Now I don't remember whether it is beef or chicken, Anyway, I gotta say the layer of fat(notice the red layer near the ice-cream like mashed potato) tastes very very nice. Last time I would cut out the fat and put it aside. But this is just so the different, so tender and so soft..i'm salivating when I'm typing this.....but it's Peter's.      RM45++

                  

Muahahaha!! Mine's Steak with Jack Daniel's SAUCE!! Now I gotta emphasize the sauce though, coz it made all the difference. The sauce was just heavenly that you'll 'celup' everything inside before putting it into your mouth. Bon-appetit! So good that Peter asked for the same sauce to put on his steak. Ughhhh!! You won't believeeeeee it! And the mashed potato. You should be able to recall KFC's. Trust me, you can forget that taste completely. This mashed potato is just pure, like it's been squeezed out dry from a real potato. Mama!! It's just..nice. The price?    RM55++  Alcohol-grilled or not, it's your choice.

 

            

One thing though. We were deceived by the size. It looked quite big in the menu so we thought we should be full. Then it came out and Peter was a little disappointed as it was not as big as he thought. So we thought, what the heck. Let's indulge and savor every bite. After two hours cutting and biting, we were so full. We were deceived twice la, all by the size. Considering that it's 90% meat, I had some problem in the toilet the next day, but it's another story la.

  

            

We're done and enjoying the last sip. It's ten pm and quite empty dy.

 

            

A cosy cosy corner. All the tables are placed considerably to the next so as to let you have some privacy with your friends while at the same time ensuring that you enjoy the warmth of the place.

 

                  

The front door at the left. Small tables for four people. Notice that all the lamps are old Victorian era styled and no two is the same. Strange enough I saw a few Chinese families obviously having their Reunion dinner here. Sad. Homecooked dishes are unrivalled.

I didn't get to take pics of the other corners though. The place is big enough to accommodate a smoking and a non smoking corner. Good enough that you won't smell a whiff of smoke scent even though you can clearly see someone puffing a humongous cigar. There's another bar obviously for drinks and to watch football.

That was my second trip to Friday's since the last 2 years and I was more than impressed with the food, customer service, cleanliness and ambience. So, 98 out of 100. Very highly recommended. Just make sure you bring more than 100 bucks per person and it'll be more than enough. And to all my Muslim friends (Erma!!), this restaurant is HALAL. They do serve alcoholic drinks but rest assured, what you order will be clean and untainted. So bring Faizal over would you?

And enough all for the Boikot US issue. It's never gonna work, not efficient and useless. Donate money to Palestinian fund would be much better. Now it's Obama, so let's support a black man to make the world a better place, shall we?

That's all. Last note, go on Fridays as you'll get big discounts. BIG. Trust me. Bye.

TGIF

New Year Resolutions

     Bet you guys must be wondering why I'm writing this only now huh. Well, I'm just bored. I don't know what to write yet I feel like blogging. Hm...

       So, let me talk bout the title above then. I for one, do not like to have any new year resolution. I never have that tradition, ritual, habit or anything that you wanna call them with. It only began in my cell group where Wei Ping said it's good to have goals, to have something that can define what you're living for. I had 8 goals last year, and it's quite comforting to know I achieved 5 of them. Nice leh! Some of them are: having a breakthru in giving tithes; overcoming bad habits and sins; getting better result and getting a car. Not gonna elaborate them, and the getting a car part, it's very very near so I just included it to my 'success' list. In terms of spiritual impact, things were not so good. Still, I managed to bring a friend to my church for a coupla times. Did it give me a sense of achievement and success? Yeah. Couldn't believe it. Read an article last few weeks in The Star stating a report that, new year resolutions make ppl feel bad about themselves. Perhaps, especially when you write impossible goals for themselves. So this year, I got cleverer and wrote goals that can actually be achieved.

      One of my goal this year is to have a deeper, more understanding relationship with my belle.

                   

      Yeah. I wanna have a deeper relationship, means that I'm taking into account the future. I wanna have a strong bond, a connection that is not artificial, but close, whole and defines us as a couple. A connection that links spiritual strength, mental familiarity and true love. Yes. A hope that we will love each other, and the love that we have will never grow stale, but fresh everyday. A love that provides excitement of seeing each other, a stirring in the heart that 'i am yours, you are mine, and we belong to each other'. The last statement may come true if the future is ours, together next time. =)

      Erm..cheesy enough I think. Others, I'll include in time, when I don't feel like a hypocrite talking bout them. Monday blues is descending. Thank God for Friday. Which is mine and is not far away. =P

Nearer

    Finally finally!! HAHAHAHA!! Well, not that I finally own a DSLR, nor a car, but that the somehow HTML illiterate me found a way to update my blog easily using Windows Live Writer. I don't update my blog that much because I just hate the blog layout of Blogger. The space is so tiny that one pic fills the whole space. But WLW is so convenient as I don't have to open Chrome to blog but just click into WLW and start blogging right away. You might as well try it yourself and see if it clings on to you.

    Well, still no pic for this post. Guess this only happens when I don't have an SLR. I do have pics taken long time ago in my hard drive, and mind you, they are very interesting pics ;). I just aint got no mood to photoshop and post them. It takes too much of my time. Just for the sake of it then..

                          

Guess what bird this is? Heheh..and if it is real.

       Okay some updates here. Tell me, what do you think of an 18 years old Proton Saga Sedan, for 3000 bucks? Well, I feel that I can flatten the price more, for 2500-2200? Plus a few thousand for repairs and maintenance, guess I'll have a decent car on the road. Hopefully it's good enough to go 2 years more before I sell it away again, for 1000 bucks maybe, to anyone that wants it.

     Other than that, the rest are just old timers. Started class since last week, and how dull it must've made me feel. At least I don't have class on Friday, and out of the 4 days, only 2 of them requires me to stay back till 4.30. Nice that it's lighter than last few sems. Compared to previous', this one's a bliss. Not talking bout going back one hour earlier even though we've signed the attendance. Other than groups assigned, I won't complain more than I used to. Just for this one sem, I'll do my best before going to UM.

      Had few serious talks with my girl some time back. This year, everything feels great, for now perhaps. I feel nearer to my goals. I feel closer to my belle, not in a playful way, but in a way that I know we're better prepared for the future. It's weird to know that we're graduating in 3 years time. Beyond that, no one knows what will happen. We plan as we may, but God decides everything.

     I better stop before I become philosophical. Optimism. My word of the day. = )